Ups and downs of Heaven and hell

Delete?

2011-07-28T16:57:00.002-05:00

I am always on Facebook now. I wonder if I should just delete this blog. But then I read the old posts and get emotional when I get to the ones about my mom...

My friend says move on and delete but I think it will feel like I lost something and won't be able to get it back. I guess I could just print out the entries but, not the same...

For now it'll stay. For another day...

iheartfaces Phone Photo Challenge

2011-02-21T03:54:00.003-06:00

This week's challenge is a photo taken on your phone. I actually get to enter!

This photo of my daughter Joanna was taken on an iPhone using the Camera+ app. I loved polaroids and used the instant border and retro tailfins effect.

Click here to see the other entries.

Winner of the Family Flick Night

2011-01-31T12:21:00.005-06:00

And the winner is

Storm, The Psychotic Housewife said...
We enjoy eating Cheerios around here!

Cheerios seems to be the winning favorite of a lot of entrants.

Congrats! Winner will have 24hrs to respond to the email or another will be chosen.

And please people, read and follow rules. I had to ignore 5 posts past 10am CST and one of them was my sister! :)

Family Flick Night

2011-01-26T12:38:00.003-06:00

General Mills and MyBlogSpark sent me a prize pack with 2 boxes of cereal and 4 movie vouchers. Free movies!!

Since November 2010, there are specially marked boxes of General Mills cereal with codes. Two codes will get you a movie voucher! You have until August 31, 2011 to enter the codes online at emoviecash.com/gmills.

Who doesn't like to go the movies for free? Added bonus of eating the cereal. :)

General Mills, through MyBlogSpark, is giving away another prize pack to one lucky reader of this here blog.

All you have to do is comment on which General Mills cereal is your favorite.

One per person/email. 18+, US only. Giveaway ends on 01/31/2011 at 10am CST. Winner will be chosen through random.org and emailed. Winner will have 24hrs to reply with their shipping information that will then be passed on to MyBlogSpark for delivery. If not in your profile, please include your email address in your comment.

Disclaimer: General Mills provided me with the free product, information, and giveaway through MyBlogSpark. All opinions are my own

Winner of the Kroger Chex Giveaway!

2011-01-17T11:28:00.003-06:00

Congrats to WCC who said

I would love to try the Lemon Rosemary Chex Mix. Thanks for the chance! :)

I will be emailing the winner who will have 24hrs to respond or another winner will be chosen.

Thank you to all who entered!

Kroger and Chex Recipes Giveaway

2011-01-14T11:18:00.002-06:00

Ok, this was suppose to be a holiday giveaway but, the Super Bowl is coming up so its all good.

Thanks to MyBlogSpark and Chex, I was able to make some cool mixes to munch on. They sent a $25 Kroger gift card and 2 boxes of Chex.

I googled up some recipes even though the original is printed on the side of the box. I decided on the best site, of course its at the Chex website with 60 recipes!

I decided on Caramel Crispy Chex and it was so dang good! I'll be making more ahead of time for the Super Bowl for hubby.

And thanks to Chex and MyBlogSpark, there is a prize pack to be given away! Two boxes of Chex cereal and a $25 Kroger (or their family of stores)gift card to buy what you need to make the mixes.

All you need to do is leave a comment with which recipe you plan on trying.

One per person/email. 18+, US only. Giveaway ends on 01/17/2011 at 10am CST. Winner will be chosen through random.org and emailed. Winner will have 24hrs to reply with their shipping information that will then be passed on to MyBlogSpark for delivery. If not in your profile, please include your email address in your comment.

Don’t forget to visit Kroger and Chex on Facebook to“Like” their pages and keep up with recipes, news and their latest and greatest products.

Disclaimer: Chex and Kroger provided me with the free product, information, and giveaway through MyBlogSpark. All opinions are my own.

Winner of the Gain Giveaway!

2010-09-23T14:31:00.004-05:00

I really enjoyed reading the responses of the question "What is your earliest memory of doing the dishes?"

It seems the average age was around 7. My daughter is 7. I guess she better get a move on it!

Now for the winner!

ohstac said...

We didn't have a dishwasher growing up so my sister & I had to wash & dry dishes. We took turns but always hating drying the most because you had to put everything away!

September 19, 2010 6:39 PM

Congratulations! An email has been sent!

Gain Dishwashing Liquid Giveaway

2010-09-09T18:06:00.004-05:00

It's been awhile since I've posted. And what better way to start anew than with a giveaway?

NEW Gain® Dishwashing Liquid! That’s right – now there’s one more place that you can get the fantastic Gain scents you love. You can enjoy the intoxicating smell of Original Gain from the first fork until the last glass. Dirty work has never smelled so good.

Try it out for yourself then spread the love. Sniff, sniff, hurray!

Available in Walmart in 3 Scents:
Original
Lavender
Citrus Splash

Thanks to MyBlogSpark, I received a bottle of the new Gain dishwashing liquid to try out. I really enjoyed the lovely smell as I toiled washing the dishes. It also worked pretty good on plasticware. Two sudsy thumbs up!

I am hosting a giveaway for a really pretty t-shirt and a $5 Wal-Mart gift certificate. You will have your choice of a blue, green or purple t-shirt. They are size L. In order to enter, please post your earliest memory of doing the dishes.

For me, it was putting up a chair to the sink at around 8. We were suppose to take turns, my 2 sisters and I but, the youngest sis would cry when it was her turn and we'd give in and do it for her. :P

Only one entry per email. 18 yrs and up. USA only. Please leave your email address in your post if it is not visible in your profile. Winner will have 24hrs to respond to my email or another will be chosen. Random.org will be used in picking the winner. Contest ends September 23, 2010, 10am CST.

This review was based on using complimentary Gain product provided by P & G through My Blog Spark.

Happy Birthday Momma

2010-04-29T11:01:00.002-05:00

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Especially since I've been sick. I think of you and how strong you really were. How much you must have suffered and never complained.

Momma, if I could have just an ounce of your strength....

I love you and miss you so much.

Thank you for watching over us then and now.

Happy Birthday to Joanna

2010-04-05T22:24:00.002-05:00

So much has happened. I've been so tired and behind on everything but, I could not pass up showing off my beautiful baby.

7 years old today. I'm so grateful I am here to witness this moment. Any tears I shed these last couple of months were at the thought of missing her moments. And at the thought of any sorrow and pain she would feel if I passed.

But God has blessed me and has given me more time with Joanna.

We had her party on Saturday. Not many came since it was Easter weekend. Lots of events going on. But she doesn't even realize who didn't show and had tons of fun.

Even though it was a Tinkerbell cake, the clothes she received showed my little girl is growing up. Rocker chick style! :) She did receive one dress, which she loved.

I love you so much Joanna!

One year later..

2010-02-08T09:58:00.002-06:00

And it still hard to believe. No matter how hard I've tried to come to terms with it, its still unreal.

I lay here in my bed for the last 3weeks. So like you when it comes to my health. I want to live for Joanna only which is why I've decided to go to the ER tonight and face my fears.

While I miss you so much Momma, I need Joanna and I do want to do all I can for her. I just ask God to give me another chance.

Perfect for day like today ~ Progresso High Fiber Soup

2010-01-28T14:28:00.003-06:00

It's raining and perfect weather for a bowl of soup.

Thanks to My Blog Spark and Progresso, I received a sample of the Homestyle Minestrone soup to try along with a prize pack that includes two branded soup mugs and two branded spoons. The mugs are a beautiful blue and very large.

In addition to the 75 great flavors of Progresso Soup, there are four new, great tasting Progresso soups that have 28% of your daily fiber intake per serving (7 grams) and have no added MSG or artificial flavors. The new varieties include Chicken Tuscany, Creamy Tomato Basil, Hearty Vegetable and Noodles and Homestyle Minestrone.

I was a Campbell's girl growing up but as an adult, I've been sampliing Progresso's different varieties. YUMMY! I especially like their version of Chicken Noodle.

Progresso and My Blogspark are offering one of my readers to win their own prize pack. While the picture shows Chicken Tuscany, you will be getting Minestrone instead. :)

In order to win, please leave a comment on what you like to eat on these cold rainy days that warm it up for you.

One comment per person, no need to follow or tweet. 18 and over, USA only. Ends February 3rd, 2010 10am Central. Winner will be chosen by random.org

Good luck!

EDITED TO ADD please include your email address in the comment if its not visible in your profile. This is the method you will be notified if you are the winner. Winner will have 24hrs to respond. Thanks!

Happy Twenty Ten!

2010-01-02T01:17:00.002-06:00

We went to my sis' house where we gathered to bring in the new year. Its the first time we were all together since the previous new years, one or another was somewhere else. And the first time without our Momma. Damn, its still a huge tug of pain.

Nothing had given me relief or hope til I read a tweet from Ashton Kutcher about Brittany Murphy's death. He tweeted "See you on the other side, kid." Stupid, but it clicked something in me. I'm gonna see my Momma. I shake my own head at it that the tweet made me realize it.

So, in with the new. No resolutions!! I suck at them. One day at a time. :)

I'm just glad we made it to 2010 with my baby Joanna and hubby and my sisters, nieces, nephews, friends and Presidente with coke. :P

Are you ready for some football?!

2010-01-02T00:45:00.003-06:00

A recent survey conducted for Old El Paso Green Chiles found that the majority of Americans will be gathering around the TV to watch the Big Game at home with friends and family on February 7, 2010.

Including this family. And a big part of watching the game is the food!

Thanks to Old El Paso and MyBlogSpark, we will add super nachos with green chiles! Big favorite of the hubby. I like that fact that they are not spicy but give great flavor.

Old El Paso, through MyBlogSpark, has graciously sent me a “Tackle the Taste” gift pack that includes two free cans of Green Chiles, as well as a football-shaped ceramic serving platter, two sets of football-themed plates, cocktail napkins, and a themed table runner. And they are providing an additional gift pack to one of my blog readers if their number is drawn!

To enter, please comment on how you use Old El Paso green chiles.

Only one entry per email address/person. US residents 18 and over. I will pick a number using randomizer.org on January 9th 10am CT. Happens to be my 12th wedding anniversary too! :)

You can go here for a .55 coupon for Old El Paso Green Chiles!

Sweeper in the making?

2009-12-16T14:22:00.005-06:00

My beautiful baby won tickets to the Jan.3rd Dallas Cowboys game. Yay!!

Scared crapless right now.

2009-12-14T01:09:00.002-06:00

Hubby worked the cowboy game and my sis came over to watch the end of it. Afterwards, I invited them to go out and get ice cream. When we came back we saw police at a neighbor's home. She dropped Joanna and me off then called me. She stopped and asked the police what was going on. They were looking for someone.

I got a little scared and we stayed in our living room til we got ready for bed. I got an email from the neighborhood lady who welcomes the new residents. She said the the couple had arrived from church and the man went in to use the restroom when he saw an intruder. He yelled at him, shots were fired and he yelled to his wife to run. She ran to a neighbors, called 911. The intruder ran towards the school. They took the husband to the hospital where he later died. There were some witnesses so, hopefully this person will be caught!

She also mentions that there was another robbery down the street on Saturday as well a street over.

I'm still waiting on hubby and every creak in the house is scaring me crapless.

Annual Santa photo

2009-12-12T00:18:00.002-06:00

We've been going to the same mall Santa since Joanna arrived in the US. Its amazing that its the same Santa. One of the nicest I've seen.

He was standing there stretching his legs and saw Joanna pass and waved at her. Good marketing, who knows? But it felt real and nice. Joanna wrote him a note and sat to read it to him. He never hurried us to get the picture taken and took the note and tucked it under his pillow.

It brought a smile to this here scrooge. :)

Snow! And then no snow...

2009-12-02T11:12:00.003-06:00

We had a few minutes of excitement this morning. And there was none. Didn't even last the day. But beautiful while it was here.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-27T10:26:00.002-06:00

Getting into the season

2009-11-23T22:27:00.004-06:00

Its that time for baking and getting together more than usual. I love it. And I hate it. For obvious reasons this year.

I was worried about what family would think about my having my mom's wheelchair at the head of the table this year. I discovered that it doesn't matter what they think about this. I want her there. As I said before, memories are not enough for me. I need visual. So, her wheelchair will make me feel better a bit.

Today Joanna and I made spice cupcakes. They came out pretty good! I also invited her cousin to spend the night with her. Joanna's in heaven right now. :)

Edited to add that its not that I don't care what my sisters think. They know her chair will be there with us. :)

I was yelled at by Joanna

2009-11-07T05:11:00.003-06:00

And I deserved it and more.

When I was a kid, I was not social..something that I still am not. I was a reader and I liked being left alone. My sisters would do cartwheels, flip upside down on the jungle gym and were very active. Then at 10, my life changed and there was no hope for a normal childhood.

So, as an adult, I still like being left alone. I thought it would change when Joanna came into my life. I wanted things different for her. Happy childhood, in the now toys, activities, road trips, friends. But I had forgotten who I am. I spent 2 years in Mexico during her adoption. We spent the most part of the day alone. And while I missed my family, I was content to be alone with her. And she seemed happy.

Then school started and she was so shy. I blamed it on not having anyone for her to play with while in Mx. Living here, I didn't interact with anyone either. We'd go to the park and outings but, always with family or by ourselves. And I thought she was happy.

So fast forward to today. We were at my sister's and she asked if she could spend the night. I told her no because her cousins would not be there. In the car, she asked if she could spend the night at another cousin's. I said no because it was going to be a hassle picking her up the next day. She then said, "My dad doesn't play with me, you don't play with me." I replied, "that hurts my feelings." She yelled at me "Well that hurts my feelings too!" OMG, it tore me apart. I was so shocked. I I I I...and that is my problem. Too many I's that I didn't even think she was lacking anything. She was so right. "Not right now" was like a staple in my everyday vocabulary to Joanna. Tears just sprung out like they are now thinking about it again. All I could do was apologize. I called her aunt and asked if she could spend the night. She said of course, her niece was very welcome. Joanna was still sniffly. She said she didn't have any friends. I said yes she did but we didn't know them well yet. When we left she was smiling again.

On the way home, hubby didn't really get what had happened and asked what had gone on. He had been driving while on the phone. So, I repeated what she said and he busted out in tears. And we talked and both vowed it was going to be different for our little girl.

Later while running an errand, I called her to see how she was and stupidly asked if she thought I was a bad mother. She started sniffling and said yes. Another stab in the heart. I apologized again and she said her dad was bad too. And I apologized again and she said that's ok. I told her no, its not for her to be crying. She then said I was only a little bit bad.

When we were adopting her, we were sure it would be a better life for her than staying in Mexico. And I was so wrong. She ended up with two self-absored parents who have to be slapped in the face to get a clue.

It's so hard to change who you are. It will not be easy but I know that just hearing her yell at me in my head should give me the kick in the ass I need. I like to think I'm a realist. All I can say is that I'm going to try. I've tried other things that I never complete but, this is the person most precious to me in this whole world. And as a summary of this post.....I suck.

Halloween '09

2009-11-02T23:25:00.000-06:00

Two-fer

2009-10-23T00:00:00.003-05:00

Joanna lost a tooth while at lunch in school today and another while eating a hot dog at her school fun night. She actually pulled the second because it was already bleeding, ready to go. The school nurse put the first one in a cute little plastic tooth.

Now just waiting on the Tooth Fairy....

Our visit to the State Fair of Texas

2009-10-20T13:13:00.006-05:00

I thought we weren't going to be able to go but, we scrounged around and made it! I didn't eat a corny dog but thought of her everytime we passed a booth. :)

Joanna was so patient and waited til the very end to get on the rides and play games. My brother and his family joined us and we wanted to see the buildings before they closed. The fair is so big, we didn't get to see everything. Joanna got to pet the goats. We were startled by this donkey who had a llama by the throat. He let go and went on his way. No idea what that was about!

The Texas Lotto show was about to start so, we sat and waited. Brother and his wife really liked it so we hung around til the 8pm show. The first contestant's number was 48 and I was in chair 49. Sigh. :P SIL got picked to pick a number and won 10 scratch-offs.

Finally we headed to the midway. Joanna was told she could get on 2 rides and play 2 games. Imagine her delight when she got to get on 4 rides!! She's such a good girl. She won two little stuffed animals too. Finally we headed home. Slept all the way there. :P See you next year, TSF!

I wish I could stop counting the days...

2009-10-08T12:55:00.002-05:00

When we decided to take Momma off the machines. I didn't feel anything. When we gathered around her, it was unreal. I didn't feel anything. Until I heard my sister scream and then, I just lost it. It was real. I totally expected my mom's heart to beat on its own. I totally expected her to breathe on her own and be ok. My mom had been so strong all this time. It was the worst wake up call ever. My mom was gone.

Its been 8 months today. I think about her everyday. Every.day. And I'm counting them down til the 8th of every month. I don't cry as much, maybe only once a day.

I asked Sabrina if the kids talk about her? She sounded surprised I asked. She said yes, especially Michael. She said that they talk about how Nana told them stories of when she was in school and such. It made my heart jump with happiness. I know Michael was really close to her even through our trials and tribulations with him. He's got her big heart.

My thing is what I could have done? You are not suppose to live with regret but, I do. Big ones. Big big ones. My biggest one is not telling her just how much she is loved by all of us. Yeah, you could say she knew but saying it to her....I'm sorry Momma. I love you so much.

State Fair of Texas

2009-09-25T14:13:00.003-05:00

I love the fair. Autumn begins, days are cooler and the fair is here, except...yeah, its a downer...I miss my mom.

Usually the days leading up to the fair are filled with excitement but, to tell the truth, I just about forgot today was opening day. Unbelievable.

But, we will be going and I will be seeing my mom in her scooter looking for the Fletcher's Corny Dog stands and see her betting on the Cowboys on the roulette or paying everyone's way to play a game. Loading up two corny dogs to take home...and I think I will be smiling.....thank God for memories....

The return of my nephew.

2009-09-22T22:42:00.003-05:00

It's really weird to be on the boy's side of things. Usually its the guys being a-holes to us women.

A while back my niece called me to ask for advice on my nephew. Seems his baby's momma broke up with him and he was really upset. She gave him advice, that I felt, was pretty good since she'd been so blind herself in her relationship.

Then my nephew in Georgia had trouble in his relationship. I won't go into too much except that, to me, she was partly at fault from what I read in her myspace.

Both of my nephews have their flaws, who doesn't? But these girls...sigh....my heart was aching for the boys. But then again, it was a bit refreshing to see that there were two guys that actually felt what women usually go through. And they might learn from it or be bitter. Bitter like me. HA!

Anyway...my nephew is back in town. No telling how long. But, I guess they felt it was needed...the space... And now her status on myspace is "lonely"....sigh.

Winner of the BTFE giveaway.

2009-09-18T21:11:00.003-05:00

This was the first winner but didn't leave an email in her comment and its not in her blogger profile so, I have to pick another. :(

Random Integer Generator
Here are your random numbers:52
Timestamp: 2009-09-19 02:08:20 UTC

So the new winner is:

Here are your random numbers:47
Timestamp: 2009-09-19 02:13:18 UTC

Congrats to Nicole who said

The first thing I would do was turn on the tv and then get something to
eat!!

You have 48hrs to respond back with your address. Thanks for some very interesting comments!

Happy 1st Birthday

2009-09-17T11:31:00.002-05:00

The most special day in a life is upon our own dear Phoenix. Happy 1st birthday big boy!! We love you and hopefully will get to see you soon.

Latest ups and downs of my own personal heaven and hell.

2009-09-16T00:51:00.003-05:00

Joanna finally found sweet relief.

Cowboys won.

I miss her more than ever.

It rained and my swampy backyard was almost at our doorstep.

I won a flip camera this week at a Twitter party.

Top Chef is da bomb.

Patrick Swayze died.

My Farmville needs harvesting and I'm out of fuel.

:) :(

BTFE Back to school giveaway

2009-09-11T11:49:00.004-05:00

Well school has been going on for awhile but who couldn't use more supplies?

Thanks again to My Blog Spark , I get to host a giveaway.

BTFE or Box Tops for Education are a way to earn money for school. Clip them off of products, send them in to your child's school coordinator and voila, you've helped them earn money. You can also go to their website and print out coupons.

My Blog Spark sent me a box with highlighters, glue sticks, binder and 2 coupons. One for Totino's Pizza Rolls and one for Pillsbury's Toaster Strudel. Both products have box tops on their packaging. And now Avery has joined in. The binder has two box tops attached to the upc. Great! The prize pack includes 14 box tops!

One lucky reader will win the following prize pack generously sponsored by My Blog Spark.

All you have to do is comment on what was the first thing you would do after school as a kid? Straight to sports, homework, TV?

Extra entries by tweeting or blogging about this giveaway. Please post a separate comment for each one you've done.

I will pick a winner using Random.org on September 18, 2009, 9:00pm CT. You have 48 hours to respond or I will have to choose another winner. The prize will be shipped by My Blog Spark.

I will not sell any emails or information given to me whatsoever.

This giveaway is only open to residents of the US, age 18 and over.

If your blog is private or you don't have a blog, you must give your email address in the comment. It is the way the winner will be contacted.

Good Luck!

Winners of my first giveaway!

2009-09-02T23:31:00.003-05:00

Here are your random numbers:

78
16
Timestamp: 2009-09-03 04:29:44 UTC

Courtesy of random.org

Congratulations to cdziuba and Jammie!

I will be posting another giveaway in the morning. Stay tuned!

The first week of school is OVAH!

2009-08-28T16:17:00.003-05:00

Joanna and I are night-owls. She was a dream baby. Slept all night and woke up around 10-11am. Perfect.

Except when school started. I know you can get into a sleeping habit but, its so hard!! For reals! Pre-k and kindergarten were a major struggle. We've started Joanna on a better sleep pattern but, I still am up at 4am. UGHHH

Point is, we got through week one and got to school on time without walking like zombies. Yay!

This is a BIG achievement! Only twenty thousand more weeks to go...........

Joanna and her 1st grade teacher....

My very first giveaway - Yoplait Whips!

2009-08-26T01:09:00.005-05:00

Thanks to My Blog Spark , I was given a chance to try out Yoplait Whips! and give my review.

While I was staying in Mexico, the biggest snack ever was yogurt. At the grocery stores, there was always samples, at every corner, of every flavor. I had no idea how popular yogurt is/was.

I really never liked yogurt because of its tanginess but, I wanted a difference with my baby in her way of trying new things. She loved yogurt as a toddler, especially strawberry. Now, she always takes a cup to school with her lunch.

Well, when I went to the store yesterday, I noticed they have Chocolate Mousse. I had to give yogurt another shot. Oh wow, how yummy! So creamy and light. I finished it too fast and wanted more. Thank goodness they sent TWO coupons and I was able to get another. :) And its healthy! Something new for my diet, or lackof! :P

You can also print out a coupon for .60 off of three here:
Yoplait coupon

Additionally, right now, new members who sign-up to become subscribers of Betty Crocker's newsletter, will receive a free coupon for Yoplait Whips! **Click here to join.
**This free coupon is not valid in some states, including California, Idaho, Louisiana, Minnesota, Nevada, New Jersey, North Dakota and Tennessee.

Not only did My Blog Spark send me the 2 coupons, they also sent a really nice cooler, 12 color changing spoons and a popsicle mold for a great frozen yogurt treat. I get to give two prize packs away to two readers of my blog!

Here is what you can win:

All you have to do is post a comment about your favorite flavor of Yoplait Whips!? Or, if you've never tried Yoplait Whips!, what flavor do you intend to be your first? Do you like it frozen or slightly chilled?

If your blog is private or you don't have a blog, you must give your email address in the comment. It is the way the winner will be contacted.

I will pick a two winners using Random.org on September 2, 2009, 9:00pm CT. You have 48 hours to respond or I will have to choose another winner. The prize will be shipped by My Blog Spark.

I will not sell any emails or information given to me whatsoever.

This giveaway is only open to residents of the US, age 18 and over.

If you want extra entries, you can do any of the following and comment in a separate post what you did.

Follow me on Twitter - twitter.com/daniela6968
Blog about this giveaway and put the link in your comment.
Tweet about this giveaway and put the link in your comment.

Good luck!

EDITED TO ADD: You can only win once. If your post number comes up twice on the randomizer due to additional posts for extra chances, another number will be chosen.

MUST.GET.CAR.FIXED

2009-08-25T22:51:00.002-05:00

OMG. Yesterday, since it was her first day, hubby went in late so we could accompany Joanna to school. I took hubby to work after that and kept the car.

Today, Joanna and I walked. Its only 6-7 mins away. BUT, anyone that knows me, knows how much I hate the heat. It was muggy! Sticky! CRAPPY! I don't care if its good for me. My legs were stinging. I arrived back home and got down to my bare essentials and laid out under the ceiling fan. Out!

And then on the way to pick her up, the wonderful aroma of sun-kissed dog poo was in the air.

PLEASE HURRY WINTER!!

First grade..

2009-08-24T01:29:00.003-05:00

As I was saying goodnight to Joanna, I started tearing up a bit. I can't believe my baby is going into first grade. As usual, time is flying by. I wish I could go back to when she was a baby.

Family drama

2009-08-18T10:22:00.004-05:00

I'm tired. Bone tired. What I really want is to grab these kids and give them a good shake until they open their eyes.

But, who am I to talk?

Here is a bright spot that we had a couple of weeks ago:

Cancer

2009-08-04T11:58:00.002-05:00

July is 8 years since I had my hysterectomy due to uterine cancer. I never dwelled on it so I suppose that is why some people don't even realize or remember it was cancer. That's ok. I don't really consider myself a "cancer survivor." It was so quick, one day I'm told its cancer and the next, its gone.

I do know that my Grandmother died of ovarian cancer. I was 4 and the only memory of her passing was me sitting in a kitchen eating a plate of corn.

One of the worst memories was a nurse telling me that if I had to have cancer, uterine was the best one to have. Uhhhhh.....WTF? You've just told me I have cancer and I'm supposed to be happy that its the best one to have? Ok.

But my family was there for me. Gabino slept everynight in my room across 3 different styled chairs. The nurses were the BEST (Parkland). I even remember one "tucking" me in so gently. I wasn't allowed to leave until a certain body function happened. I remember my mom helping me with that. I apologized and she called me silly. She gave birth to me after all, and had seen my butt a million times. :)

I had about 30+ staples going down my stomach. Thankfully, the pain was never bad. 2 weeks later we were on our way to Shreveport (casinos) and I was in the back of a bumpy-ass van. :P

But, that is my experience with cancer and since I never suffered chemo or anything, I can see why some people forgot. Its all good. :)

Galveston swingin'

2009-08-01T10:02:00.003-05:00

We are in Galveston for the weekend. After our first day, we are burnt. :)

We rode the ferry. It was Tracy's first time.

Butch fed the gulls Chips Ahoy. It was cool how they'd catch it mid-air.
Waiting for his piece.
My friend's real personality. LOL

A lot of "If only" today.

2009-07-24T01:14:00.001-05:00

Oh man, did I miss her today. I was cutting up potatoes and listening to Juanes. Crying. Thinking if only she had eaten better, if only I had paid attention more closely. If only, if only......

If only she were here.

5 months

2009-07-08T16:24:00.002-05:00

Its still so unreal. I still find myself wanting to tell her news. A new show on TV, something Joanna did....

When I pass by the dialysis place, I can see her in her wheelchair waiting for me. And the tears come.

Our road trip

2009-07-02T15:06:00.002-05:00

We headed out on Wednesday 12am. First stop was a night stay in Lawrenceville. Then we arrived at Clayton, GA to visit Gabriel and his family. OMG, pics don't do Phoenix justice. What a cutie patootie. And Gabriel's in-laws are so gracious. He looks happy and I'm happy for him.

Then that night we arrived at Carla's sister's house iMt. Airy, NC. What a house!! We stayed in the finished basement which is like a whole house itself. They were very nice too. A poodle that I wish I could have dognapped!! Love ya Miya!
Next day we went to visit Carla's mom in Ararat, VA. What a nice lady. Very nice.

We went to Pilot Mountain Park. It was a little hazy but nice all in all. I had no idea I was leaning on a rail that had a family of spiders!!! If it had been Michael, I'm sure he would have jumped over the rails and rather have risked death. Ughhhh!!

On our last day, we went to Mabry Mills off the Blue Ridge Parkway. So beautiful. Picnic'd and went back to stay one last night.

It was a long nice trip but a little hard on the kids.

I think next trip will be to Oregon to visit Gabino's cousin. I heard its way nice up there. :)

Another toofus is gone

2009-06-28T12:31:00.002-05:00

She was eating a sandwich and freaked with all the blood. I have to admit, I thought it wouldn't stop! She woke up to $3 buckaroos this morning. The cost of living WAY up from when I was a kid!

Catching up, kinda.

2009-06-16T01:45:00.005-05:00

Road Trip!

2009-06-09T16:09:00.002-05:00

We are planning on going to Ararat, VA with my good friend Carla. She wants to visit her mom. We are going to make a stop at Gabriel's in Georgia!! I get to see that cutie pie Phoenix in person!

Michael and his gf and baby will house/dog/cat sit for us. He is thrilled. Free cable, food, internet and a/c for a week. I almost don't want to leave! Haha!

I'm not ready!!

2009-06-05T02:23:00.005-05:00

Joanna is a girly girl. She loves her skirts. She loves to twirl in them. She is dying to wear makeup and thinks burps are gwoss.

She is really good on waiting for her turn. She asks me if makeup is for big people. And she's happy with the answer. I never wear it. Just am not in the habit.

For my birthday, I did put some on and she was so thrilled. I even painted my nails on my left hand and let her do my right. I told her that when school was out, I would paint her nails. But only for summer. It might seem innocent to some and not a biggie but, she's moving to fast for me. Asking to go to the mall, wanting to wear frilly clothes.....it scares me!

School is out and guess what I woke up to? A bottle of nail polish by my face. Oh my baby...I painted her nails and she was so damn happy.

I'm scared!!!!!!

Starting again

2009-05-28T13:49:00.002-05:00

My friend took me to the clinic she works at last night. I haven't been feeling well. I felt my sugar must be sky high.

We had just come back from shopping when she arrived to take me. I told Joanna I was going to the doctor for medicine and she was to stay with her daddy. She totally freaked out. Ruby told me to take her with me, so I did.

While there, they stuck me and then drew blood. I asked Joanna if she wanted to look or turn away. Almost devilish grin, she wanted to look. Which is better because she's so scared of everything. Later she told me that she was scared because she thought I was going to be in the hospital. I guess her Nana is on her mind.

Dr. said sugar high, gave me pills and advice. I already know all that but, how do I get it in my brain to care? How can I be so selfish when I have Joanna? What kind of kick in the ass do I need?

So today I took my pills. I made tea with Splenda. I glanced at the cake I made but didn't get a piece. I ate breakfast. Later in the evening, we will walk Harley together. I am going to try. Again. I love my daughter. I want to be with her forever.

A memorable Memorial Day.

2009-05-25T20:46:00.001-05:00

Whew.

We are finally alone with our messy house. I love me some family but, its nice to be alone with your own.

My one true love.

2009-05-17T21:36:00.001-05:00

A sign?

2009-05-01T19:45:00.003-05:00

I've been feeling so guilty. I have been feeling like I'm leaving my mom behind. This new place has no memories of her. They're in my head but that doesn't help.

We finally finished moving everything last night. Her room was so white. I could see in the carpet her path. I could see where she had her feet everyday by the computer.

As I was on the floor packing and crying, I got to a notebook she wrote poems in. Dated 1987. The very first page was a poem called "To Daniela" It was the twist to my heart. But, do I take it as a sign that she is happy for me or as a sign that she thinks I will forget her? The last line is telling me not to forget her. I never will, that is for sure.

Yes, I am depressed. Its so hard to get out of it. The guilt is killing me even though I know there is nothing I can do now. I have so many regrets as to how I dealt with things.

We are going on a road trip tonight. Groom, TX. Where there is a 180' cross surrounded by life sized statues of the trial of Jesus. She had written us three suggesting that we take that trip. I usually save her emails but, I can't find this one. So we are going in honor of her for her birthday. She will be accompanying us too. I never thought this would happen and I still don't understand how to live through it.

Happy Birthday Momma!

2009-04-29T01:16:00.002-05:00

I love you.

Hi Momma

2009-04-23T01:48:00.003-05:00

When my Mom had a seizure a couple of years ago, she had been hallucinating. She said she could see people. She didn't know them but she was afraid. I tried to tell her to just ask what they wanted. She then went to the hospital because we knew something was wrong with her and shortly after arriving, she had a seizure. They said it was due to a UTI. Afterwards she never mentioned seeing anyone.

My sister, about 3 weeks after Momma died, said she was tossing and turning in bed when she saw a shadow and heard Momma tell her in Spanish to settle down. She said she did but couldn't sleep.

Then I woke up the other day at 6am. What woke me is Momma saying my name. I wasn't dreaming that I know of. I heard her clearly say "Daniela" and I awoke saying "What?" I looked over at hubby and Joanna but, they were both asleep. I didn't feel sad or anything, just wide awake which, anyone that knows me, knows I am hard to get going in the morning.

Then Sabrina tells us she saw a shadow. She took a picture with her cell. My sister posted it on the family website along with a picture of my mom for comparison. My mom always tilted to the right when she sat in her wheelchair.

Sabrina was afraid but I told her Momma was just visiting. She's going through some things that I'm sure Momma has a few words to say about. I hope she gets the message.

Here is the picture along with Momma.

I believe in ghosts. Hi Momma.

Win for a nice friend.

2009-04-21T15:16:00.004-05:00

Sammy is a former workmate of hubby's. He transferred to a location closer to his home. Well, he has been such a good friend to hubby. He helped us tremendously when my Mom died and again with the house situation. Yes, financially but, he had no reason to help other than hubby is his friend.

Well, I entered this giveaway at http://theurbanmusicscene.com/ with him in mind. He loves to play the guitar. Well, I won and its autographed. I really hope he likes it. A small, small thank you for his help.

Ha! It worked!

2009-04-20T11:59:00.003-05:00

I twittered that it was a new week and I was going to try a new attitude. Minutes later, I get an email that we have the clear to close and will be signing, this Thursday, the paperwork for our new home.

Maybe there is something to be said for this positive thinking. Something new to keep trying out. :-P

What a hug can do.

2009-04-18T15:32:00.002-05:00

My mom was not a hugger until she had her first grandchild. Those grandchildren got so much affection from her. I didn't even think to be jealous because I knew she loved us. She just didn't hug us. Later the grandchildren became non huggers. And I've always been uncomfortable at it.

Well, lately Joanna has been having some meltdowns. The other day she was in hysterics because she didn't want to go to school. As usual, I went about it the wrong way and got angry with her. She was hysterical! She had her head back and was wobbling about to drop herself. I finally took her in my arms and hugged her. She IMMEDIATELY calmed down. I was amazed. A hug.

Today for the first time I let her go outside with the other girls without us out there too. A little girl came asking if she could play. It was hard but we said Ok. Of course I opened the blinds!! :)

She came running in crying like crazy. Apparently a little girl elbowed her in the mouth by accident but Joanna was hurting. After getting the story out of her between gasps, I hugged her. She calmed down. It felt so beautiful that a hug from me could do that. It made me teary. I love her so much and I try to break out of what I am used to. I thank God everyday for her. And if I could, I'd hug him.

Please help a friend win a Cube!

2009-04-16T10:45:00.002-05:00

http://www.hypercube.ca/en/Canvas.aspx?id=85445311-fcdb-4d58-87cf-f0496b19eb30&lang=en

Easy to register and vote. Lori is so creative and out of more than 7,000 entries, she got picked as one of 500 finalists.

Please vote for her entry.

She could be one of the first 50 people in Canada to own a Nissan Cube!

When we move.

2009-04-13T12:32:00.003-05:00

We haven't gotten the clear to close yet. So frustrating.

But I will be sad once we move. This apartment will forever be thought of as where my Mom last lived. I will hate to see anyone else live here. And heaven forbid they ever raze these apts! It will be like her dying again.

I know we have our memories and stories for her to live on but, I am a visual person. I have to see the place or person.

My heart jumps when I get mail addressed to her. I see commercials for things that make me say out loud "Ohh, I gotta tell Momma!"

Or like yesterday at my cousin's. An Uncle of hers made menudo Momma would have loved! It was all I could think of.

Today I got a call confirming an appointment from her neurologist. I have to tell someone again, she died. And it hurts all over again.

I miss her so much. So damn much.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-11T23:57:00.001-05:00

Happy 6th Birthday to my Joanna!

2009-04-07T02:09:00.003-05:00

A little late....

Since we are days from closing on our house, we decided to do a combo party for hubby, Joanna and home afterwards.

So Sunday was Joanna's day and first we went to buy her Easter dress. She's still a frou frou girl and it was pink with a slouch sweater. Wide white headband and white patent leather shoes. OMG, she's cute. So, we had her birthday pictures made. Then she was asked where did she want to eat breakfast. She said the place with the blue sign with a p where we took Nana and Victoria. IHOP, aha.....

After breakfast we took her to Target to buy something with birthday money she received. She picked a bathroom set complete with toilet for her Barbies. Sigh.

Then we went to the movies but she didn't care for Marley & Me and we left halfway through.

Home to take a nap.......at least us old folks took a nap. And OMG, she actually asked to go to the mall. WTF?

So, we did and bought cookies at The Great American Cookie Co. Walked around, went into a furniture store sitting on couches....

Then home for her to play with her Barbies.

It was a nice day.

Happy Birthday Old Man!

2009-04-04T01:29:00.002-05:00

It's hubby's birthday. 41 years young. He had tears in his eyes at midnight. He haaaaaaaaaaaates getting old. I told him that at least he is still alive. Shut his self pity party right up.

:P

Kindergarten Zoo

2009-04-04T00:33:00.002-05:00

Joanna had a school program yesterday. She's so dang shy it was great to see her participate.

Apples with ketchup.

2009-03-16T15:42:00.002-05:00

I almost gagged when Joanna told me she likes apples with ketchup. But then I remembered my likes. McDonald's chicken nuggets dipped in their hot fudge sundae. Big Breakfast with bbq sauce. Beans with mayo on a bolillo. Yummy! I might try apples and ketchup. :)

Amazing weekend of saving at Kroger and Albertsons.

Albertsons has the Nestle Flavored Milk for $1 and its free with my coupons. I heard you can freeze them but the couple I have frozen swelled up on the bottom. I am defrosting one right now to see how it comes out.

Thanks for coupons found at 7-11, we've been getting Powerade for .12 each. This Sunday had coupons for Mahatma rice, .15 for a pound at Kroger after doubling! I love rice! Toaster strudel for .44, Monster energy drinks for .49! These are at least $2 on sale! I don't have a coupon for this but well worth .49 is the Nestle Frozen Lemonade. OMG, I love those!

Its been a plentiful weekend. Our cupboards are full, thank God.

Joanna's first buy on her own.

2009-03-11T20:02:00.003-05:00

Joanna told me of the book fair at her school. I had no idea she took her own money to school. When I picked her up, she proudly showed me her receipt. She was so excited at the thought that the book was hers forever and ever. :)

Weekend of untying those ties that binds you.

2009-03-09T10:47:00.002-05:00

Saturday we had a garage sale at Gabino's friend and it went ok. It was windy with looks of rain but, the the temperature was nice.

We were supposed to meet up with a loan officer but, he called in sick as we were arriving home. So, before we got in the door with the stuff, we set up outside and sold to the neighbors. Yay! They were asking for our number so they can keep buying after we leave. :)

At 11pm I went to Belinda's to join them in a night run of getting Garnier at Walgreens. Free shampoo! We were out to near 6am. In Belinda's gas hog but she said she didn't use that much gas for the huge Dallas circle we made.

Sunday was my turn to host our monthly family dinner. I made pork chops with biscuits on top. One of my Momma's all time favorite dish. I'm sure she's eating it everyday up in Heaven!
Dinner was always 1pm but I was going to ask the loan officer if we could move it to 6pm. I didn't get ahold of him until 2:30 and he was happy because he was still sick and we postponed it for Monday. But by then one of my sisters had already said they weren't coming because it was just to come and eat. I didn't call her back because I was actually sick to my stomach about her cancellation. It was also exactly one month that my mom passed and she was here too. And any small effort would have been appreciated. But, oh well, everyone has their priorities. Gas was not a problem before for shampoo.

My extremely pregnant cousin showed up with my Tia J. After Miranda left because of Sabrina's curfew, they stayed and fajita'd. We sat outside but came inside to eat. One of her little girls is a mini Dora the Explorer and would walk off every minute. We were all too FAT to be after her every minute! :D

So, if this post breaks those family ties, so be it. Every event is the same, all hyped up and last minute cancellations. I don't care anymore. If my momma's passing showed me anything it is that life is too dang short to put up with things that upset you. Cut it and leave it behind. I'm glad she had fun anyway. I received an email about Easter but I'm not even going to answer that one. It really is no point because it will be cancelled last minute just like last year. I've already made plans with my cousin.

Finally something good to post.

2009-03-03T18:52:00.002-06:00

Just logged onto T-Mobile and saw an offer to join their Loyalty Plan. $10 bucks less than what we are paying and unlimited minutes for our two lines. Yay!

Also, I used to enter contests and sweepstakes before I got hooked on coupons. Last week I received an email that a referral won on Blingo so, I did too. Choice between a Dell pc with a 22" monitor or $750 cash. Chose cash, of course! Then out of the blue, I received a Troy Aikman authentic jersey in the mail courtesy of Miller Lite Dallas Cowboys Suite Sweepstakes. And today, I received an email that I won a $100 gc to Zutano.com. Only problem is their clothes go to 4t and Joanna is a 5/6t. I guess I will sell that.

Other news is that Beli got a job, thank God. Miranda will be in Orlando for some conference with MK in a beautiful hotel. Lucky her!

Sunday the 8th, its my turn to host Family Dinner. I totally blanked that it will be one month that my Momma passed. I told Miranda to be sure to bring her. God, I miss her.

Another punch in the gut!

2009-02-24T17:02:00.002-06:00

Gabino just came in with a letter offering a voluntary separation package. We just put a freaking offer on a house. OMFG

Letter says there will later be involuntary reductions.

I am going to be sick.

Self Pity Party

2009-02-20T15:24:00.002-06:00

Not a good day today. It started with my Aunt J calling last night. She busted out which made me bust out and today's been really emotional.

We were house hunting before Momma got sick. Every house we looked at, we'd say where a ramp would go and which would be Momma's room. And now....

I was driving down the street writing down addresses and got so damn sad. I'm supposed to be grateful that she's not suffering anymore and is with Ama and Apa. Surrounded by love and light. Supposed to be.

Last night Joanna said that if she is crying and I didn't yell at her, its because she's crying for her Nana. :( She's such a good girl. Thankfully, other than that statement, she's a happy girl. Her chongos and hugs make it a little better for me.

Thank you God for Joanna.

Alone

2009-02-18T06:12:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was the first time I've been alone since my momma passed. Joanna went to school and Gabino went back to work. I slept the day away. I guess I didn't want to face it. I only got up in time to pick Joanna up from school.

I go into my mom's room and sigh. I have no desire whatsoever to touch or move anything. Her half drunk Diet Coke is still sitting there. Oh God.

I just want to go to sleep.

I think Joanna is the only thing keeping me from cracking.

Come to Me

2009-02-10T12:28:00.002-06:00

Come To Me
by: Unknown

God saw you getting tired,
and a cure was not to be,
so he put his arms around you
and whispered, "Come to me."

With tearful eyes we watched you,
and saw you pass away,
and although we loved you dearly,
we could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,
hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
he only takes the best.

April 29, 1945 - February 8, 2009

2009-02-09T08:09:00.000-06:00

She was born on a Sunday...

2009-02-05T23:43:00.003-06:00

so she will rest on a Sunday. We've decided to take everything off. If God is listening to me, she will wake up and cuss us out for having her sleep for so long. If God is listening to me, he will give us more time with her. And if God decides otherwise, he will help me understand it all and help me from going crazy.

I find myself still feeling all this is unreal. Its not happening. I see her in the hosptital bed and not feel her leaving us. You can't see anything from the outside. This tube will just come out and she'll be ok. And then I leave her and I remember something about her or see her face in my mind and I start crying.

As ugly as it sounds, this would be easier if she were brain dead. But, she's not. The nurse explained to us what is/will happen. They will take off the IVs, the breathing tube and give her lots of morphine to keep her comfortable. Depending on how fast her pressure keeps up, it will take 1-2hrs for her to pass. The pressure will lower, her heart will slow down til it stops. I just might snap when it does. I say this now because, I really don't know how I will survive this. I know the world goes on and other people have experienced this but, how in the hell does a person live without their momma? HOW???????????

God help us all. God help me.

I'm in denial

2009-02-02T22:28:00.002-06:00

I'm sitting here at my mom's computer and not feeling anything. She's coming back. She's getting better.

But that is not the case. Her dr is going to meet with us tomorrow at 1pm. We are going to ask him what is going to happen. Today he tells me that she's got more fluid in her lungs and are going to try to pull it out. I asked him if they took the tube out, what will happen. He said she will die. And because she told him she only wanted 30 days on it, he says they will give her morphine so she will not feel anything. NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR. I just want to know if this is something that will be slow or is it pointless?

When I went to see her, she was the most awake I've seen her. I asked her if she could hear me and when she nodded yes, I busted out in tears. I was so happy to see her respond. I think the weekend nurses suck. She was doped the whole weekend and it was hard to see her with her eyes open and just there.

I had to leave early because Joanna didn't go to school today. She's running a fever and even though her father is off today, he's useless. TO BE TOTALLY HONEST.

Last night I was going to the store and I imagined my mom sitting next to me in the van and I busted out. I regret so much. So damn much.

ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone who met my mom loves her sense of wicked humor, her online buddies would call for advice or jokes. Belinda has kept in touch with them and they've written prayers for my mom. We need her here. Please, Dios, oye me. Por favor no te la lleves de nosotros. La necitamos tanto. Tanto tanto tanto.

Asking for forgiveness.

2009-01-30T14:15:00.003-06:00

Gabino told me that in one of the times he saw my mom, he asked her for forgiveness for anything he may have done.

I won't be doing that. I deserve whatever torment I may be in for whatever I may have done. I won't ask for forgiveness to soothe my soul but, I will apologize. I will say I'm sorry for any and all pain I may have given her.

Her dialysis dr says basically one step forward, two steps back. Now she has an infection. They took all lines out to get cultures to pinpoint where its coming from. And they changed the central line and the catherer is now in her thigh. Belinda had mentioned that she was told by someone that after 2 weeks, they put a trach in place of the breathing tube. Dr. says depends on situation.

I got to figure out one thing she was trying to say. She had her hand like scratching something and after naming all body types, I got to head and she nodded yes. Yay!!

I told my mom that Joanna drew a picture for her and she made a grimace. I asked her if she was crying and she nodded yes.

Joanna got to see her afterwards. She had drawn a picture for her and bought her a "nana angel" pin and I did want her to see that we gave them to Nana. Belinda had to point out another kid that was allowed to go back there, so they said Joanna could too. I think Joanna finally realized how real this is and she cried tears later for her Nana.

One of the things that make me so sad is she says she sees me but, her gaze is straight on. I don't get that. And she doesn't close her eyes all the way...

Oh my momma, I love you so much. Please come back to us.

God, please listen to me?

2009-01-25T09:36:00.004-06:00

Causes of low blood pressure due to heart disease

Weakened heart muscle can cause the heart to fail and reduce the amount of blood it pumps. One common cause of weakened heart muscle is the death of a large portion of the heart's muscle due to a single, large heart attack or repeated smaller heart attacks.

What she was so proud of, is hurting her. One thing that was always normal for her was her blood pressure. She was quick to point it out to the drs.

And now she needs medicine to keep it up.

I need my momma. I want to hear her again. I want to make eggs for her!! I want to hear her cuss out the Cowboys (Romo). I want to play poker and hear her whine that she's losing as she puts another ante in because she is the gambler in all three of us. I want to take her to the Grand Canyon she wants to see even with her fear of heights.

But, if she's hurting, then, God knows what is better for her even if I don't agree with it.

I need my momma, I want my momma. Please, God?

With my own eyes

2009-01-23T17:21:00.002-06:00

I saw she's not ready to have her blood pressure meds decreased. It was 65/38 when I walked in. The nurse replaced the empty bag and right away her bp rose. In 3min it went to 128/50. Sigh.

Scruff is in town.

2009-01-22T11:07:00.002-06:00

Gabriel made it in last night from Georgia. I can't believe Michael is taller than him!

Just saw the cardiologist. All he said is she was SLOWLY getting better. The pulmonaryist (sp?) said her heart was so borderline. Barely pumping.

When I'm at home, I find myself making mental notes to tell my mom some chisme. Habit! That i want to keep.

Joanna wants to see her but, the nurse said no. :(

It could of been us they were talking to...

2009-01-21T10:08:00.002-06:00

but, it was another family in here. Dr. was explaining that the patient had very little hope and would probably not be here in the next 30 min. It could of been us.

I left at 4:30am and got up late to take Joanna to school. Miranda was already up here. Belinda saw the Dr. and he says there is hope. Her lungs look much better. It all depends on her heart, depends on how strong it will be....

They're going to start weaning her off the blood pressure medicine.

I went in there to see her and she flexed her fingers. My favorite nurse said she could hear me because her pressure was low and when I was talking to momma, it was raising to a normal level.

I guess that means she heard my promise to make her eggs everyday without groaning. I will be more than happy to fulfill that promise forever. Forever.

Perspectives.

2009-01-19T14:02:00.003-06:00

My mom had another heart attack. Stubborn, stubborn woman. Fluid build up makes the heart pump faster and overworked its already weak self.

She had dialysis and I'm heading back to the hospital now.

She won't be missing any days anymore. That's for damn sure.

She's on a breathing machine. She has asked for DNR but, changed her mind when she was having trouble breathing. But, she told them that if it lasts for more than a month, take her off.

no fucking way.

He has a big thingy...

2009-01-13T18:06:00.003-06:00

So, we're watching Mamma Mia for the millioneth time and its at the part where they sing "Lay All Your Love on Me" when.......

Joanna, "He has a big thingy."

Mouth hanging open, "What big thingy?"

Showing the guy from the chest up, she says, "Hold on, they'll show it."

I'm swallowing hard and they show him full body.

"There, that thingy...its bad that he's smoking that."

Sighing with relief as I see the cigar in the guy's hand, "Oh yeah, that is bad."

I just aged and grew some grey hairs. :O

Oops, we did it again!

2009-01-09T09:44:00.003-06:00

We made it! 11 years ago at 2:15pm, we said "I do." What we do, that's another story and probably not was meant to do.

But, we have made it. And we're panting like we ran a freaking marathon. But, we've both said that its not over and I guess that's good. :)

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T10:43:00.003-06:00

It is also Victoria's birthday. She's turned 14! She is Michael's little sister.

The way our little sister visited us...by phone.

Joanna's favorite cousin...well, a tie between her and Nathalie!

A rare photo of Victoria smiling. :)

And...my family. Gabino, Joanna and I wish you all a very happy new year. Que Dios los bendiga a todos!

I'm sick...arghhh

2008-12-30T14:54:00.002-06:00

Not how I wanted to enter the new year.

We had a looooooong week. Christmas Eve we spent at SIL's house with hubby's side of the family. He always acts a fool there because they think he's hilarious. Yeah. We spent the night and at 8am went to Dallas Tortilla to buy the tamales for my side of the family. We wait for 30min when he announces that they are out! 1hr wait more. We head to Grand Prairie and they are closed. Back to Oak Cliff...it was not that full and the guy ahead of the line said he's been there a hour waiting patiently. One hour later the line starts moving. I tell hubby to get half the order so it won't seem so large. 14 dozen is what we needed. So he gets his 6 and I get my 8. The lady behind me says she wants 4...1 hour wait, he shouts! My bad! I hurried out of there. LOL

So we finally arrive at Beli's. Ate like there was no tomorrow. Then we played poker. I came out $15 ahead. Went to bingo later that evening and lost $30.

Friday, we go to Carmen's. We spent the night watching the worst movie EVER...The Last Winter. OMG, I told Isidro I would pay him to throw it away!

Then on Saturday we sat around watching Lifetime. I never watch Lifetime. Its like reading those True Story mags my sister loves so much. Then while fooling around reading Craigslist, I see a listing for a 14.8 cubic feet chest freezer for $100. OMG, we bought one half that size for double the price! So Carmen wants it...she's had her 5cf for 17yrs. We go home instead of spending the night...wanted my own bed. Sunday we join up with them and they get the freezer in Ft.Worth. She emptied hers and it barely filled the bottom of the freezer. Yay~

So I call Tia Julia because we are supposed to go to their house and she says she's making Mole....nooooooo, we are gonna take them out. Applebee's it is.

Carmen gets Isidro to take her. Party of 11. OMG, my steak dinner was so good...and too little!!

On to home, its midnight and I'm so glad hubby's driving.

Monday morning........SICK!~~!~!!@!!@#r$^%&^^$#%$$^%&^^$#@@!!

And here we are.

Dirty house and I'm hosting New Year's Eve. Arghhh......someone kick me in the butt!

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-21T11:48:00.003-06:00

Happy 18th Birthday Michael!

2008-12-17T06:47:00.003-06:00

Not a recent photo but, one of the sweetest ones there is of you. :)

Oh Michael....

I'm not your momma but, I love you so much, it hurts. As the old saying goes, I only want what is best for you.

It was so damn hard not to let you come back to our home. But, I am really glad you and your mom have settled a bit. I know there are still flare ups but, less. Right?

Wow, Michael, 18!!

I pray for you, Michael. I pray that you see the light and it shows you the road that will be right for what you need to do. Please give lots of thoughts in choosing the way. Whether it be to join the Navy like you've been talking about or staying in school to try to finish, I will support your decision because its all you now and you alone in command of your life.

All my love to you, Michael.

Working again again

2008-12-16T10:42:00.003-06:00

When I previously posted that I was working...it lasted a week. Sales were down and it was not enough to keep 2nd shift open.

But, they won this weekend and I was called yesterday to come back. I immediately said yes. After I hung up, I realized 8hrs of making freaking boxes. GROAN!!

Ces't la vie!

All I want for Christmas.......

2008-12-10T12:22:00.005-06:00

Joanna wrote her letter last night. She put it under the tree and is already thinking about what cookies she's going to bake him. Lucky dude!

We went to the tree lighting ceremony here in Irving.

It was funny to see her dad driving in the parade...

They had pony rides.....

And she got to tell Santa her wishes...

Which she wrote down to make sure he knows......

Lunch

2008-12-03T12:59:00.002-06:00

Hubby and I took advantage of his vacation and joined Joanna for lunch at her school. To tell the truth, they've gotten really chintzy. Popcorn chicken, milk, green beans and warm applesauce. Maybe because my belly's gotten bigger, it looked like wtf?

Joanna's classmates were too cute. There's this one little girl who always hugs her. She told us Happy Christmas.

Afterwards they have to sweep up any mess. Why do they fight for this when its hard to get them to do chores at home? Go figure!

Working again.

2008-12-02T11:40:00.002-06:00

Last night I started again with the Dallas Cowboys but, this time at the warehouse connected to their outlet store. It was like being in a candy store. OMG, they even have a freaking DC Gnome!

It was interesting. Online orders, some only like a DC Toothbrush in a box.

Yvonne from the other warehouse is there which, makes it more bearable.

This time I work til 1am. Ouch!

Tickles didn't make it.

2008-11-26T01:24:00.003-06:00

He was fine in the morning. We've been gone all day. I just looked in on him and found him curled up in the corner under his wheel. Gone.

I guess he had a hidden injury or something. Poor little guy. We did have him for about 6 months or so. Bye bye Tickles..........

Tickles was NOT tickled!

2008-11-24T06:29:00.002-06:00

To be carried around in the cat's mouth.

Joanna went to the restroom and yelled out that the cat was after Tickles, her Chinese Dwarf hamster. Kitty Kitty has eyed that thing since the get-go. Well, it happened. Kitty kitty was able to get him out of the cage. Hubby ran after him but he crawled under my desk. I looked and saw Tickles hanging from the mouth and no movement. Kitty kitty growled at me and I told hubby to open the door and let him do his dirty deed outside.

Joanna was teary and I told her Tickles was gone. Then something made me look outside and I saw kitty kitty running and hopping around. That $%^%&#% is playing with Tickles! So, I walk out there in my bare feet (anyone with diabetic nerve pain will know how joyous it was to walk the cement, not!!) and see Tickles on the ground, not moving. The cat eyeballs me and snatches him back up and runs off. Here, kitty kitty, my dumbass calls to him. The cat is GALLOPING away....all around to the other side of the units. Ughh, my feet!!!

So, hubby and Joanna are watching me from the door and he says that the cat ran towards the stairs on the side. I go inside to get shoes and they come with me. We see the cat with Tickles in the mouth again and sneak up on him. As soon as I saw him drop Tickles, I told hubby to run up and scare him, which he did. Then in the moonlight we barely see Tickles kinda prancing around and we couldn't grab him. Hubby took off his shirt and was able to lay it on the ground and scoop up Tickles.

As soon as we put him back in his cage, he gets in his wheel and squeaks around. His hair was mussed up with cat saliva but, there was no blood to be found on him or hubby's shirt. Yay!!!

I just got up out of habit and checked on him. He needs a brush but, Tickles' got it on!

So point of this is SHUT THE BATHROOM DOOR WHEN YOU ARE USING IT!! Joanna! :P

What I can look forward to......

2008-11-21T21:48:00.001-06:00

While hubby is on his 2 week vacation. Pray for me. :P

Remember Fire Drills?

2008-11-21T08:20:00.002-06:00

Well, now they've included Lock Down Drills. Joanna came home quiet the other day. I asked what was wrong but, she said she didn't want to tell me. Finally she tells me that 2 bad people came to the school and they had to hide. She said Ms. Luke made them go into the gym. She said she didn't want it to happen again.

So, the next day I ask Ms. Luke about it. She asked if Joanna was scared? I said yes. She said they had the drill all of a sudden while they were in the playground and she apologized. Not her fault and I guess its a good thing to do. Not really sure. I hate that its come to this in our schools.

Just mumbling.......confused and scared.

Tired but, not tired.

2008-11-18T13:27:00.002-06:00

Wow, was there a good stocking up sale at Kroger these past two weeks. Tomorrow's sale will be eh. So, I will get to rest and find a place for all of this. I might even bake a cake.

Weird, how I missed doing something mundane as to make papas con huevos and not be worried about having my head fall in the skillet from lack of sleep. :P

I still have Mamma Mia! on my mind. Too much fun. Joanna spent a bit on the pc yesterday looking at shorts from the movie. She was imitating Meryl's moves. Fun!

I did an ABBA channel on Pandora.com. Energizing! I made papas con huevos energizing! :)

Last night while I tried to show my SILs how to use coupons and get a 4lb bag of sugar for .45, Joanna's second tooth fell out. She was so embarrassed. ( I need help on how to help her not to worry about others.) Tooth fairy gave her $1 and change. The tooth fairy's hubby wanted more but, I told him it was going to come out of his Send-money-to-mother-in-Mexico fund. He shut up.

Hot damn Mamma Mia!

2008-11-16T10:07:00.001-06:00

Full on freaking fun! I looooooooooooooove this movie!

This part made me cry, I'm sure was the objective. It was beautiful. Oh my Joanna....

What I needed. Puppies!

2008-11-14T09:53:00.000-06:00

Its over!

2008-11-14T01:11:00.003-06:00

They cut second shift and tonight was my last night. I will miss so many people there. Wahhhhhhhhh! Damn Jessica Simpson! :-P

But, I am also anxious to get this place cleaned up!

My pc is fried.

2008-11-09T21:10:00.002-06:00

Before we left tonight, the lights went out for a second. I restarted my computer. We left and in the parking light we saw the lights go out again for a second. Now home, I tried restarting and nothing. The green light is on but no motor whirring going on. So, I unplugged everything and plugged back in the power cord. The green light on the motherboard comes on but, that's it. I'm thinking power supply but, then it wouldn't light up, right? Hubby used some thingy and says a resistance (???) is burnt.

SIGH SIGH SIGH.

Pics of Halloween 2008

2008-11-08T22:25:00.006-06:00

What a month!

Here is La Princessa Joanna. I really hope to have her dressed in traditional Halloween gear next year. After all was said and done, she said she didn't want to go candy begging next year, she wants to hand it out. I know she's really evil deep down and will have fun scaring kids. Hee hee!

We went down Swiss Ave. because Beli told us how awesome it was. Uh, yeah. Ok. Long lines to get a tootsie roll. No fun at all! It was so jammed, you couldn't even stop to admire other trick-or-treaters. We took our nieces and nephews because last year it was just us three and my poor baby was a lonely girl.

Ugh, I uploaded backwards. LOL. This was supposed to be at the end.....a self portrait! :P

Marilda.......don't know if it was measles or freckles....

Joanna with a creepy Superman.

And with her cousins.

Holt Caterpillar celebrates 75 years.

2008-11-03T15:52:00.003-06:00

They had a dinner at the shop on Oct. 21. Hubby is so proud of working there. Even though, me, sourpuss, wishes I could speak for him for some unfair things they do!

Anyway, he took Joanna and they had a great time. I wonder why? LOLOLOL

Here are a few pics of the celebration including the derby mini car the Hydraulic shop submitted in the Holt Derby. They won the President's Award. That's a pic of Alfredo driving. :)

State Fair of Texas part 2

2008-10-30T07:52:00.003-05:00

Just a few pics. :P

First up is Joanna with Miss Texas. She was very nice. Hubby was very happy.

The next pics are our day at the fair. She won a pink monkey, rode the swings and petted a donkey in honor of her father. Hee hee! She got to meet Barney and took a pic of us. All in all it was a nice day with just the three of us.