A sign?

I've been feeling so guilty. I have been feeling like I'm leaving my mom behind. This new place has no memories of her. They're in my head but that doesn't help.

We finally finished moving everything last night. Her room was so white. I could see in the carpet her path. I could see where she had her feet everyday by the computer.

As I was on the floor packing and crying, I got to a notebook she wrote poems in. Dated 1987. The very first page was a poem called "To Daniela" It was the twist to my heart. But, do I take it as a sign that she is happy for me or as a sign that she thinks I will forget her? The last line is telling me not to forget her. I never will, that is for sure.

Yes, I am depressed. Its so hard to get out of it. The guilt is killing me even though I know there is nothing I can do now. I have so many regrets as to how I dealt with things.

We are going on a road trip tonight. Groom, TX. Where there is a 180' cross surrounded by life sized statues of the trial of Jesus. She had written us three suggesting that we take that trip. I usually save her emails but, I can't find this one. So we are going in honor of her for her birthday. She will be accompanying us too. I never thought this would happen and I still don't understand how to live through it.