Starting again

My friend took me to the clinic she works at last night. I haven't been feeling well. I felt my sugar must be sky high.

We had just come back from shopping when she arrived to take me. I told Joanna I was going to the doctor for medicine and she was to stay with her daddy. She totally freaked out. Ruby told me to take her with me, so I did.

While there, they stuck me and then drew blood. I asked Joanna if she wanted to look or turn away. Almost devilish grin, she wanted to look. Which is better because she's so scared of everything. Later she told me that she was scared because she thought I was going to be in the hospital. I guess her Nana is on her mind.

Dr. said sugar high, gave me pills and advice. I already know all that but, how do I get it in my brain to care? How can I be so selfish when I have Joanna? What kind of kick in the ass do I need?

So today I took my pills. I made tea with Splenda. I glanced at the cake I made but didn't get a piece. I ate breakfast. Later in the evening, we will walk Harley together. I am going to try. Again. I love my daughter. I want to be with her forever.