Wednesday, October 31, 2007



Monday, October 29, 2007

Holt Family Day 2007

Saturday, we went to hubby's company picnic in San Antonio at Fiesta Texas. We took our mom. And her scooter. That didn't want to work when we arrived. So we paid $40 to rent one. Sigh.

Anyway, it was a gorgeous day. They served bbq brisket, hot dogs, chicken filets, potato salad, bbq beans and the fixings. Soda was aplenty and freezers full of ice cream. The brisket was soooooooo good. One of my favorite foods.

Sammy, hubby's good friend and co-worker, was there with his family. Holt gives away prizes and last year Sammy won $100 gc to Walmart. So he came to see what else he'd win.

Well, he didn't win. BUT HUBBY DID! They called his name for a Blu-ray DVD player. Whoo! I knew they'd call him for something! They gave away some very nice things. Wii, PSP, LCD TVs....nice.

Afterwards, we rambled on into the park. I am getting so oooolllddddd.. I couldn't handle it anymore, I was tired before they close. And we used to always stay til closing!! UGH.

As we were heading for the exit, Sammy called. He had an accident in the parking lot. Man.

We got to him and his axle was broken. Undriveable. He was making a right when this truck hit him on the left side. He said the truck didn't even brake. I guess Sammy thought he'd make it. His wife got a cut under her eye because of her glasses and also got seatbelt burn. The lady in the passenger side got a big knot on her head. Of course, they were both blaming each other. So we took Sammy to a rental and took off after that. What should have been a 5hr trip back home took us more than 7. We were so tired. We'd switch but I could barely last 20min behind the wheel. I drank Red Bull and nada. Aging sucks!

Anyway, here's some pics. :)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Da pain, da pain........

I recently started having pains in my legs. It started with my right thigh.....a burning sensitive feeling right where my stomach ends and my thigh begins. Only in the front. Feels like a burn and I can't have anything rubbing on the skin because OMG it hurts.

And now, my left leg from the knee down is killing me. Sore.......and only in the front. And when I lay down it feels like all the blood rushes to my feet and they swell up like balloons......but the thing is my feet are not swollen, just feel like it. It hurts horribly!!

I just broke down and got one of my mom's vicodins.

I hope to heck it helps. I am so close to going to the ER and that is big for me. It took cancer to get me to the hospital for a hysterectomy. I hate myself in that respect. Sigh.

Monday, October 22, 2007


Tonight as we prepared for bed, hubby and I were teasing around and he said he was going to get a new mommy. Joanna told him no and that we were going to get a new daddy. She sleeps with us now and then in the middle. It really doesn't bother me because I miss her when she's not here in the middle. Her toddler bed is at the end of ours but its not the same.

Anyway...we were giving hugs and kisses goodnight and she said in English, "Mommy, you are my best friend." I could not stop the tears. I said are my best friend too. She gave me a big smile and my heart jumped.

I hope I do keep up with this blog because I want to be able to go back and read these moments for when my memory starts fading. No telling what kind of era it will be and since writing a diary is hard on my hands, I will have to rely on this. Maybe by then they can implant a chip with all our memories backed up on it into our brains. :P

Friday, October 19, 2007


As soon as it hits the bank I hit the online bills and pay. Payday for the bills. Our account goes down 2/3rds by the time I'm done. But, they are paid. :)

I found that money that hubby had given me from the pawn shop. What a relief that was! And today (Mind's still on Thursday) UPS came with my Cowboys win except for the jersey and the $1000 gift card. Note inside said that will come later. The UPS guy asked me where was building 902? I told him and asked if the delivery was for me since I used to live there. Yay! It was! I wonder if I would have gotten it if he hadn't asked me? It was the slow cooker I won from Banquet a few months ago. Whew to that too!

Ok.........time for bed. I need to get up in 4hrs to fix lunch and take Joanna to school. I wish my body would right itself and get into a routine!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Is it in the blood?

Joanna's biomother (SIL) left a very lasting memory that was recreated by Joanna yesterday. It hurt too.

We were in Mexico and at a party. MIL and SIL did not really get along even though MIL did everything for her. I remember the shock when MIL asked for a drink from SIL's coke. SIL did the most ugliest face and thrust it at her. It might be a little thing but it really threw me.

Well, Joanna did it to me yesterday. I had a glass of tea and she always wants what I have. She asked me what was it, I answered tea and she asked for a drink. So she took a sip. So I asked for a sip of her Mountain Dew. She made a face and gave me her cup. I took a sip. She then told me she didn't want it anymore. I asked her why? She said because I drank out of it. My mind zoomed to that day in Mexico. I was so hurt. I got angry with her (wrong, I know) and told her to go to her room. I went in after her and asked her why? She's only 4, she can't explain it but I was confused. I told her it was not a nice thing and it made me feel bad. She then asked if she gave me some of her drink, would she be a good girl. I told her that she didn't have to give me anything but if she didn't want to share why is she asking for a drink of mine?

Such a little thing. I should let it roll off my back but I guess my self confidence took a hit thinking she didn't like me. Is it like this for other adoptive mothers? Always thinking we have to do better in order to be liked? That no matter how much you love and give, it might not be enough?

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Going to see Da Boys!

My first game ever! I sold my mom's and Joanna's. They couldn't get me a wheelchair ticket so my mom couldn't go. And the tickets they gave me are separated by 6 seats, so someone was going to sit by themselves. I gave my mom the money for her that made up some of the disappointment.

Oh wow, its almost time!!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

My body is talking to me.

I can't believe I slept from 7pm to 11pm and was not disturbed. I guess I really needed it. Only woke up because hubby and Joanna were about to go to bed. Now, I'm up and refreshed. Like the old days.....probably get sleepy right at 4am when I have to take my mom to dialysis.

I emailed the promotion guy about the rest of the Cowboys prize and he said they were ordering the came because the game is this Sunday. Doh! I was embarrassed.

My sister is trying to guilt trip my mom in giving her the ticket. Ha! I posted it on for mom to get a little money. It would not be fair to let sis have it when my nephew also called me up asking if he could go. I wish like heck I could take him but, I would never hear the end of it from sis.

Right now, I'm watching Kimora - Life in the Fabulous Lane. I love the name Aoki - her daughter's....but not crazy about them.

Tomorrow (today but, I'm still in Friday world) is going to be a great day for garage sales. Hubby asked me not to buy anything else. He says we don't fit in our apt anymore. I hate passing up deals!! I bought one of those fold up chairs but its a loveseat for $4.50! I had to get it. But I also understand him. We really don't fit. Ugh....

Ok, body saying to take a bathroom break. :P

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Up, up and away......

It has been proven. Joanna needs at least 11hrs of sleep to wake up with a smile. The one day I overslept, she cried and cried that she wanted to go to school. I could not for the life of me open my eyes until 10am. I felt really rotten the whole day that I did that to my baby. I apologized to her and told her that it wouldn't happen again.

The next day I'm trying to wake her up and she's mumbling and grumbling that she doesn't want to go to school. We go to bed at 10pm because we are night owls and when school started, 10 was way early for us. Anyway, her grumbling continued all week.

So last night, she feel asleep at 8pm while in the truck and stayed asleep til I woke her up at 7am. She stretched and smiled and said she was ready for school. So I thought back to the days she woke up the same and it has been when she falls asleep early on her own. So, 8hrs is not enough for her. And that is my discovery for the day.

Exciting, isn't it?? :)

Another up today, the casino where I won $100 from finally put it in my bank account. Took over a month to get that! So I lost money yesterday and got it back today with that. Whew!

Yesterday, I was told they couldn't accomodate my mom, who's in a wheelchair, for the Cowboy game. She seemed upset until I told her that if she sold the ticket, the money's hers. They're going for about $300 on craigslist. That put a smile on her face.

Hubby is working overtime, totally needed.
I took a shower, totally needed.
Joanna still loves me, totally needed. :)

Up, up and away.........

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Are you there? I'm not.

Let's see how long this lasts. I used to write in diaries and then just quit. I tried a blog before there were blogs on Geocities way back in the day. I just erased them after awhile.

I do like writing about the going ons but get lazy. So, here goes another try!

Today is sucking. My husband pawned his impact wrench yesterday to make ends meet and gave me the money when he arrived home. I was in the process of making dinner and stuck it in my shorts pockets. So I put the money somewhere else a couple of minutes later and cannot freaking find it now.

UGHHHH, I'm in such a bitchy mood because of this. I yelled at Joanna because she had clutter everywhere but, it was really because I am so mad at myself. I apologized to her and she said "You didn't yell at me" making me feel even more like crap. Maybe I was using my everyday voice which sounds like an angry person all the time. Sigh...

The good thing is that there is a prospect of trading my mom's Wii for a computer. A month ago, I was able to trade my Wii for a laptop. I had won one from a Wendy's promotion and won one for her too. I already have a Wii so posted on Craigslist to trade. This laptop looks like its taken a beating but free is free and it works just fine.

So, today I posted the trade for my mom and will be going to this person's place to check out the pc. Its custom, which I hate, but its a lot nicer than what she has now. She'll be giving her old one to my sister.

Just got a call from the promotion company that is handling my Dallas Cowboys ticket win. He says I will have my tickets by Friday for sure. He is waiting on Dallas to see about accommodating my mother who's in a wheelchair. Yay! I didn't ask about the gift card...seemed too tacky. I hope it will be in there with the tickets.

See what I mean about ups and downs in heaven and hell?
No money,
lost money,
trade going my way,
call about my win
and Joanna forgiving me.

I'll have a couple of downs before the night is over but it's all up when my baby kisses me goodnight.

See? Edited to post newest down. Promotion guy just emailed that they tried but couldn't get my mom a handicap seat for the game. Ughhh!!! She's the biggest fan and the reason I entered.

Glass half full, glass half full........nope, looks a little empty to me!