Thursday, February 5, 2009

She was born on a Sunday...

so she will rest on a Sunday. We've decided to take everything off. If God is listening to me, she will wake up and cuss us out for having her sleep for so long. If God is listening to me, he will give us more time with her. And if God decides otherwise, he will help me understand it all and help me from going crazy.

I find myself still feeling all this is unreal. Its not happening. I see her in the hosptital bed and not feel her leaving us. You can't see anything from the outside. This tube will just come out and she'll be ok. And then I leave her and I remember something about her or see her face in my mind and I start crying.

As ugly as it sounds, this would be easier if she were brain dead. But, she's not. The nurse explained to us what is/will happen. They will take off the IVs, the breathing tube and give her lots of morphine to keep her comfortable. Depending on how fast her pressure keeps up, it will take 1-2hrs for her to pass. The pressure will lower, her heart will slow down til it stops. I just might snap when it does. I say this now because, I really don't know how I will survive this. I know the world goes on and other people have experienced this but, how in the hell does a person live without their momma? HOW???????????

God help us all. God help me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have no doubt that God will look after your Mom, now I pray he will ease your pain as well Daniela,Make sure you give Joanna lots of hugs.